Cake or Death?

Yeah, yeah, you’ve probably seen this one, too. Oh, you. So much cooler than me.

“I, like Professor D’Arcy, like the way you talk. And write. Generally. As I have told you before, I don’t care how you talk in conversation, or how you write in e-mail, how you tweet on Twitter, or how you text friends and family. Not my business. Should you contribute to the richness of the English language, I salute you.

Should you write for publication, I, like Professor D’Arcy’s grandmother, have some standards in mind, though much more flexible ones. I’ve written about the rules of standard written English, conventions of American standard written English that are not actually rules, guidelines for writing effectively in that dialect, and superstitions that get in the way of clarity and directness of expression. I am, as I have repeatedly asserted, a moderate and reasonable prescriptivist, with the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein, and I do not hesitate to give you my best advice about what you should do within that limited range of the language.

Welcome to the middle ground.”

-John McIntyre, my former boss and one of the finest editors and linguists around

A short, poignant Q&A.

I am sure you have already seen this, but I had not. Lovely.

In just 24 hours, the hotel was overtaken by young American guys, swimming at the pool, working out at the gym, standing in groups wearing polo shirts and jeans and unabashedly looking for directions to the nearest bar. They’re sailors on the supercarrier USS Nimitz, which is on a port call for four days.

I asked a group of them in the elevator if they were all officers, and they said yes, except for one in the back who piped up, “I’m a Canadian weatherman.”

I have that “you are my people!” feeling that I get when I go on military bases even now.

(via livejamie)

1. I “watched” a few minutes of the Super Bowl over Skype by watching Baltimore friends Maryann and Leroy watch their TV while snowed in. Their expressions kept me updated. Then I got on Skype with my mom, a New Orleans native, who showed me all of her cool new Saints gear and fleur de lis accessories.
2. When I catch people staring here, they don’t look away, embarrassed. They just stare harder. This morning, I had a guy look me directly in the eye while blatantly picking his nose. At his place of employment.
3. I put on my “no iron” Brooks Brothers shirt this morning, which I thought might need a little pressing because I’d left it in the laundry bag for a while. But the humidity in Malaysia had straightened it out, and as I put it on, I noticed it was “made in Malaysia.” I wasn’t sure why I was so delighted at this until Abby pointed it out: “Your shirt is in its natural habitat!”

I have half a mind to start a separate Google Voice translations blog, but until then, here’s my favorite garbled line from a voicemail from Myke earlier today:

“Got your boy over here and Hannah.”

Is this:

a) a kidnapping;

b) a party;

c) both?

This is a group blog I just set up so the expat group here can post our fantastic interactions with our laundry guy, Ahmed Zahar. His e-mail and text correspondence is legendary. Among us.

Friends, family, countrymen: Don’t be surprised to see one of these in your mailboxes sometime soon.

This weekend was Thaipusam, an annual Hindu festival honoring Lord Murugan. An estimated 1.5 million people make their way up 272 stairs at the Batu Caves outside of Kuala Lumpur to make offerings and “pay” for their wishes that have come true.

The rest of my photos, including some showing the piercings and penance, are here.

It was a hot, crowded, smelly and infinitely interesting and amazing day. I’ll never see it again, and I’m so glad I went.

My first durian — and last, unless I get a vodka chaser, as you’ll see me explain at length.

Some things I have been eating

A bowl made from yams filled with baby corn, cashews, green bell peppers and cellophane noodles, at a vegetarian Chinese restaurant.

Peanuts in a bowl and picked papaya (blurred in the background), at the same Chinese restaurant.

Ice kachang, a dessert made of shaved ice with flavored syrup topped with sweet corn and with kidney beans and green mung-bean jellies hidden inside.

Rambutans, a delicious exotic fruit that I told friends tasted like a pear and got laughed out of the room. So much for a delicate palate.

In the words of Gail Simmons, “supermegadelicious” breakfasts at the hotel.

Western fast food. Burger King is still my favorite, but A&W is a close second. I am lame; I know.

Delicious tofu noodles at a Vietnamese place (until I found the hair in them).

Some things I have been eating, not pictured:

• Lotus seeds
• Olives at breakfast
• Really bad Mexican food

Some things I have not been eating

Monster Snek Mi, but only because I don’t understand it, because it sure is cute.

Giant moths. Not that anyone is eating them, to be clear, but they fit into this Venn diagram circle and I am nothing if not thorough.

Giant lobster crackers.

Chicken frogs. Would you?

Durians, the world’s smelliest fruit — yet. All in good time (I said I would try one when they’re in season. I have until June.).

Some things I have been drinking

See earlier photo for my other main beer, Tiger.

Barley water, called Barli (I love cognates). It’s basically sugar water with a hint of Lucky Charms.

Some things I have not been drinking

Tyrone Estate wine. I think you better call Tyrone, tell him I said come pick up his wine.

Joan Didion, “The White Album”