“Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.”
Last week, a tweet inspired me to read this, from which where the above quote comes. From there, I opened about 25 tabs on this site and read them all, then added the blog to my feeds. Later that night, unrelated, I read this (and she later added this post).
And I’ve been thinking about it since. In less than a week, this has come up spontaneously in at least three conversations.
I have never been assaulted or threatened. I have been to self-defense classes, learned how to yell and hit with my elbows and crouch low if someone tries to lift me from behind. I have read “The Gift of Fear.” I do not go out by myself after dark. I do not run outside with headphones. I always lock my internal apartment door three ways, as well as the one to the street. I close my curtains and shut my windows. I trust my intuition and the people I spend time with, but it’s always there. I don’t think (most) men understand this.
But when and how do we talk to men about rape? About preventing rape, from a man’s perspective? I know the answer is “little, if ever.” Why? As one blogger calls it, that’s the “supply side.” Let’s address it there.
(Extra credit: I replied to the tweet with this link. More food for thought, along these lines.)
